Some time ago, I was in the queue for prasadam at the temple, waiting for the feast to be served, when suddenly a devotee who had never spoken to me before, approached me.
“What are your plans? Do you plan to stay at the temple or move elsewhere?” he asked abruptly.
As I looked at him, I thought to myself, “He is neither my friend nor has he ever shown interest in my wellbeing in the past. How should I respond?”
“How much money do you have in your bank account?” I asked him.
The devotee looked at me as if I were crazy.
“What do you mean? Why are you interested in my bank account?” He asked.
“Exactly,” I said and added, “personal goals, life challenges, and plans should be discussed with an intimate group of friends and not casually with the first person you meet. I do not even know your full name, and you ask me about my life plans!”
Ramayana— Vibhisana to Ravana: Those speaking pleasant words can easily be found, O Ravana, but one who speaks unpalatable truth is rare.”
We sat together to eat prasadam with a group of other devotees. As we ate, I reflected on what friendship meant to me.
Who is a friend?
Science has clarified the definition of a quality relationship. It has to have a minimum of three things: It’s a stable, longstanding bond; it’s positive; and it’s cooperative—it’s reciprocal, I’m there for you, you’re there for me. According to 2021 survey data, the average person in America has between 3 and 5 close friends.
A friend is the first person to be there for us in tough times and the main person with whom we share our most intimate, happy moments. A true friend is not only someone who genuinely cares for you but also someone who fully understands you.
Srila Prabhupada explains it further:
Srimad Bhagavatam 3.29.17 purport: Friendship should be cemented between persons with mutual interests and understanding. Such persons are said to be sva-jāti, “of the same caste.”
What is the symptom of a weak friendship?
Srimad Bhagavatam 4.4.8 purport: The material bodily conception is so polluted that even upon slight provocation all our relationships of love and affection are nullified. Bodily relationships are so transient that even though one is affectionate towards someone in a bodily relationship, a slight provocation terminates this intimacy.
Who is not a friend?
Srimad Bhagavatam 10.32.17: The Supreme Personality of Godhead said: So-called friends who show affection for each other only to benefit themselves are actually selfish. They have no true friendship, nor are they following the true principles of religion. Indeed, if they did not expect benefit for themselves, they would not reciprocate.
However strong our friendships may be, we need to understand that at some point we will be separated by the waves of time.
Srimad Bhagavatam 10.5.25: Many planks and sticks, unable to stay together, are carried away by the force of a river’s waves. Similarly, although we are intimately related with friends and family members, we are unable to stay together because of our varied past deeds and the waves of time.
Before time separates us from our well-wishers, we should serve them and learn as much as possible before it is too late.
Srimad Bhagavatam 1.15.50 purport: When flying an airplane, one cannot take care of other planes. Everyone has to take care of his own plane, and if there is any danger, no other plane can help another in that condition. Similarly, at the end of life, when one has to go back home, back to Godhead, everyone has to take care of himself without help rendered by another. The help is, however, offered on the ground before flying in space. Similarly, the spiritual master, the father, the mother, the relatives, the husband and others can all render help during one’s lifetime, teaching one how to cross the ocean of birth and death, but while crossing the sea one has to take care of himself and utilize the instructions formerly received.
Ananta Gopal Das
13.06.2024
Bhakti Wisdom 