When I first walked into the temple, I came up with the plan to become a simple sadhu, forgotten by family members, invisible to the public, boring to my friends and satisfied on my own.
I strategically planned my life in such a way, prayed for help and hoped my idea would manifest.
As the years went by, my secret plan was steadily collapsing.
I left my small family, but in return, I received a much larger family to look after – our temple community.
The kids require blessings, parents need to be engaged in the temple service, house ceremonies require priests, and my phone rings constantly!
“Ok”, I said to myself, “one project failed. I hope the rest won’t!”
I came off of WhatsApp, was never active on social media and kept my distance from social events as much as possible. “Surely I can remain low-key,” I thought.
It didn’t work!
People keep asking me to join house programs, lead public prayers, meet guests and my worst fear, give public talks and classes!
Sadhu is supposed to serve everyone. I couldn’t say no for long. Another project failed!
The last project was deity worship. “This one I will do my way,” I thought.
“I can keep hiding behind the altar curtains. Surely nobody will notice me there.”
In 2015 the temple president walked with a prominent spiritual leader into the ashram.
I met them on the stairs on their way up to the ashram.
The temple president glanced at me whilst speaking to the spiritual leader, “he is the future head pujari.”
Over the years, I tried to avoid many services which would put me at the centre of attention.
I avoided giving classes, mentoring people, and taking leading roles in the ashram and the temple.
Eventually, I failed in all my “projects.”
The will of the Vaishnavas is ruling my life.
Ref. VedaBase => SB 4.7.30- One should depend only on the causeless mercy of the Lord for deliverance and not even slightly on one’s own strength. That is the perfect position of a Kṛṣṇa conscious person.
Ananta Gopal Das
21.7.2023
Bhakti Wisdom 