January 2017:
“In approximately five years’ time, you will be responsible for Radha Gokulananda worship”, the temple manager said to me. “No no, that is not my aim or vision for myself”, I responded.
“I prefer to have simple service and work in the background,” I added.
The temple manager remained determined; “Mark my words, it will happen.”
I never truly understood the dynamics of Vaisnava blessings, but in whatever little experience I have had in life, I have seen that it works.
Last week I was in the temple, preparing myself to go and try again, for the third day in a row, to open the doors of the room that only the head Pujari knows how to open. For the last 30 years, only he had access to that room, and nobody else besides one or two others have been inside. For all these years he was taking care of the items in the room, improving them, increasing, and making them better and more opulent for the pleasure of Radha Gokulananda.
I was chosen by authorities to receive the knowledge from the head pujari about the room, and how to enter inside. He called me into the room to teach me the way to open it. It was a special moment. I was just about to receive something special. Was I ready for it?
“Don’t worry,” the head Pujari said, sensing my nervousness, “You will be fine.”
He showed me how to unlock and enter the room a few times. He said, “All you need to know is the code, the process of how to enter in, the mercy from Krishna, and the secret number.”
“That’s easier said than done”, I thought to myself. I got the code and the secret number, a process I could learn by my endeavour. But mercy? How to get that?
“You try now”, the head Pujari said, moving to the side to make space for me to come forward.
I tried to open it, following the same procedure he shared, but it didn’t work. Once, twice, three times… “ I can’t do it! Maybe, I don’t have the mercy.”
“Don’t worry, relax and try tomorrow, it takes time. In the beginning, I struggled also,” the head Pujari said.
I tried the next day, but I could not open the door. For three days I had the same battle. It didn’t work. I was disappointed. “What am I doing wrong?”
I shared my feelings with a friend. After hearing me he replied, ”this is a sign – you don’t have the mercy yet to be responsible for the worship.”
“That doesn’t help,” I thought to myself. But he was right. I didn’t have the mercy.
The next day, the head Pujari met me after his service and we had a casual conversation about my service, and at one point he put his hand on my right shoulder and looked into my eyes saying: “you have all my blessings, I have given you everything.”
Why did he say that? What did he mean by that? I didn’t ask him why, but accepted the situation as a special blessing. It was one of those rare special moments.
Later that day I went to try to open the door, and I opened it on the first try!
How was that possible?
I tried again and it worked again! I managed to open it!
“What was I doing wrong all this time?” I asked myself.
“How come I could not open it before? I followed the same procedure as I did now.”
Then I remembered – I received the code, I learned the process and was given a secret number, but I didn’t have the mercy from Krishna.
Only after I received this final “gift” – the mercy – only then was I able to open the door easily. And that mercy came from Vaisnava blessings.
I remembered the words from the head pujari: “You have all my blessings, I have given you everything.”
Only after I received blessings from a Vaisnava was I able to receive mercy from Krishna to open the doors, and as my friend said; become qualified to take further responsibility for the worship of Radha Gokulananda.
Caitanya Caritamrita Antya 1.2 – My path is very difficult. I am blind, and my feet are slipping again and again. Therefore, may the saints help me by granting me the stick of their mercy as my support.
Bhakti Wisdom 